Unbecoming

why is it that I am hell-bent on hurting you? 
that mention of an old-flame, half-said and all, and so much undone...

could it be that "that I don't want to be like my mom" thing?
will I lose my life in the midst of us both?

could it be some envy that, finally, you get to have me 
while i know i deserve an endless ocean of love, while I feel no one actually deserves me! 

I don't know of someone who didn't love or adore me
I don't know of rejection, except from the envious 

I didn't say "leave" to anybody, never walked away
I brought back those that left, and forgave those that didn't return

what I ask for, even as I submit to you, 
is the love that I once knew...I might have lost it time and again

But that unearthly love, 
that blissful thing,
that was truly unconditional
it was given to me by the gods themselves

 But how or why do I expect you to give that to me? 

 The best wo(men)didnt find it!

My love, its not me; its not the lack of love
it is...the realization that being here and being this way is unbecoming...

Will you forgive my tantrums and embrace my realization of mine?
Will you love me as the gods  might have loved...
Will you soothe my pain and hold me tight?
So that I might love you as I love my gods...

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