Outside one's own country
It is really strange how we respond to those similar to us. Both like and dislike seem to take place, along with a whole host of other responses like identification, sympathy, understanding etc. When in India, I would have made friends with someone and realize some time later, that she or he belonged to my jaati, I would feel like distancing myself a little bit. Perhaps it was modern India's decision to be 'casteless' that drove such feelings.
However, when in London, the experience was markedly different and of a different range. Indians gave other Indians a small nod when interacting even in public places. I hadn't expected this and was taken aback. When there were times when fellow-Indians wanted to help, I felt like refusing. It was almost as if there was a serious breach of objectivity and non-partiality. In the time I stayed there, I got accustomed to this nodding and the occasional favours. But again, there was a different dynamic playing alongside. The men would look at Indian women as if they possessed you. This was true of Barcelona as well, where there are a number of Indian business people. The gaze was so different, so immediate, so claiming, that it took too much effort to be rid of it. No amount of staring back or throwing dirty looks helped. Such staring would quickly invite abuses from everyone immediately in India. Really, what is it that made it possible for Indian males outside the country to claim Indian women as if they possessed a right to look at Indian women over and above others? And I wonder what the women there are doing to tackle this!
However, when in London, the experience was markedly different and of a different range. Indians gave other Indians a small nod when interacting even in public places. I hadn't expected this and was taken aback. When there were times when fellow-Indians wanted to help, I felt like refusing. It was almost as if there was a serious breach of objectivity and non-partiality. In the time I stayed there, I got accustomed to this nodding and the occasional favours. But again, there was a different dynamic playing alongside. The men would look at Indian women as if they possessed you. This was true of Barcelona as well, where there are a number of Indian business people. The gaze was so different, so immediate, so claiming, that it took too much effort to be rid of it. No amount of staring back or throwing dirty looks helped. Such staring would quickly invite abuses from everyone immediately in India. Really, what is it that made it possible for Indian males outside the country to claim Indian women as if they possessed a right to look at Indian women over and above others? And I wonder what the women there are doing to tackle this!
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