Leo Theirs Vidal
Had never imagined that I would write this piece of writing that I am writing here today. My friend Leo, died. I have been trying to find out how and what happened...nobody seems to know and I have few common connections here in Lyon to find out more. But everybody, just everybody who knows he passed away has been upset. Terribly.
I thought Leo very handsome (even those pictures in a friend's obituary demonstrate just that)...don't remember now if I told him that when he was alive though. The things we do and the way we live always eludes an acknowledgment of death...it’s the greatest of mysteries how we manage that, really.
My friend Leo had worked for a long time in support of victims of sexual harassment and incest. Voluntary work, all of it! He had just finished defending his PhD, and that had gone great (I was in India then). He had a star supervisor. Apart from the volunteering and PhD, Leo worked as a translator and had translated for me the abstract I had to write in French, from my English PhD dissertation.
His house, a small fourth floor apartment was indeed beautifully decorated. He had invited me once and we went out for a pizza.
I know that he had loved and was loved. Nevertheless, Leo asked deep questions and suffered over them. There were pains within him, that came from places I could never reach or had known. But once, it was he who admonished my sulking strongly.
I had gotten him interested in U G Krishnamurti, when he had come to my place. He received UG with appropriate feeling and thought. I made him watch Choker Bali too (over an Indian dinner) and we discussed how feminism works... my skepticism of some of its aspects, his hopes for it to liberate men and women "in some small way at least." He was always concerned about safeguarding the powerless, before any talk of a normal sense of life that was normalizing of suffering could take over.
Leo was at the prestigious Ecole Normale Superieur and I always envied him for that. He wondered with an honest heart as to why, it was that, men hurt others, committed rape or other acts of violence and lived life the way they lived. He wondered what it was in our societies that allowed such things. What notions of masculinities let them happen? Twere his research questions too.
I had borrowed many books from Leo and before I left for France the second time, I said to myself that I need not carry any books, because I could always borrow them from him! He even helped me look for a job in Lyon. Once, when returning from his place, I requested him to drop me back, because it was boring for me to walk back alone, and he did walk a very long way, even though it was raining. Kindest he was! He introduced me to the Efigies, feminist group at ENS and made me give a talk there (my paper saw a wonderful discussion). And then we attended that carnatic and jazz music concert too, at ENS. In just the short while I had known him, we had done so many little, meaningful things together. I hadn't noticed, until now. I distinctly remember all the times we met.
Not now, but much before and many times, I had thought that meeting Leo was some big time co-incidence in my life. I almost missed meeting him once, but for the matter of a few seconds. We met by chance a couple of other times too in unforeseen places and times. Leo knew S N Balagangadhara and we had planned to go to Belgium and chat up with him while I was in Europe. Leo gave me email addresses of people I could meet at Paris. He did so many things, without expecting anything in return. I had wondered about this part of him even then, and had told him that he was a very good person. He was modest and denied it, but his air was of someone who had given, always (knowing how to give), and he simply knew that about himself.
To return his books, I went to his office before leaving France, and left them at the reception, not wanting to disturb him at work. If time could rewind, I would say yes to the lady at the reception, who asked if she should ask him to come down. And I would tell him personally that I was leaving and didn't know about coming back...
Walked by the river. Talked UG. Thought through feminism. Analyzed suffering! Worried about the good of the world. Music concerts, Films we watched together. Books lent. So much given.
"I am still waking up", he would say at noon, after working all night on his PhD.
Leo, from you, I learned that it is vain to hurt anyone, any time, ever.
I thought Leo very handsome (even those pictures in a friend's obituary demonstrate just that)...don't remember now if I told him that when he was alive though. The things we do and the way we live always eludes an acknowledgment of death...it’s the greatest of mysteries how we manage that, really.
My friend Leo had worked for a long time in support of victims of sexual harassment and incest. Voluntary work, all of it! He had just finished defending his PhD, and that had gone great (I was in India then). He had a star supervisor. Apart from the volunteering and PhD, Leo worked as a translator and had translated for me the abstract I had to write in French, from my English PhD dissertation.
His house, a small fourth floor apartment was indeed beautifully decorated. He had invited me once and we went out for a pizza.
I know that he had loved and was loved. Nevertheless, Leo asked deep questions and suffered over them. There were pains within him, that came from places I could never reach or had known. But once, it was he who admonished my sulking strongly.
I had gotten him interested in U G Krishnamurti, when he had come to my place. He received UG with appropriate feeling and thought. I made him watch Choker Bali too (over an Indian dinner) and we discussed how feminism works... my skepticism of some of its aspects, his hopes for it to liberate men and women "in some small way at least." He was always concerned about safeguarding the powerless, before any talk of a normal sense of life that was normalizing of suffering could take over.
Leo was at the prestigious Ecole Normale Superieur and I always envied him for that. He wondered with an honest heart as to why, it was that, men hurt others, committed rape or other acts of violence and lived life the way they lived. He wondered what it was in our societies that allowed such things. What notions of masculinities let them happen? Twere his research questions too.
I had borrowed many books from Leo and before I left for France the second time, I said to myself that I need not carry any books, because I could always borrow them from him! He even helped me look for a job in Lyon. Once, when returning from his place, I requested him to drop me back, because it was boring for me to walk back alone, and he did walk a very long way, even though it was raining. Kindest he was! He introduced me to the Efigies, feminist group at ENS and made me give a talk there (my paper saw a wonderful discussion). And then we attended that carnatic and jazz music concert too, at ENS. In just the short while I had known him, we had done so many little, meaningful things together. I hadn't noticed, until now. I distinctly remember all the times we met.
Not now, but much before and many times, I had thought that meeting Leo was some big time co-incidence in my life. I almost missed meeting him once, but for the matter of a few seconds. We met by chance a couple of other times too in unforeseen places and times. Leo knew S N Balagangadhara and we had planned to go to Belgium and chat up with him while I was in Europe. Leo gave me email addresses of people I could meet at Paris. He did so many things, without expecting anything in return. I had wondered about this part of him even then, and had told him that he was a very good person. He was modest and denied it, but his air was of someone who had given, always (knowing how to give), and he simply knew that about himself.
To return his books, I went to his office before leaving France, and left them at the reception, not wanting to disturb him at work. If time could rewind, I would say yes to the lady at the reception, who asked if she should ask him to come down. And I would tell him personally that I was leaving and didn't know about coming back...
Walked by the river. Talked UG. Thought through feminism. Analyzed suffering! Worried about the good of the world. Music concerts, Films we watched together. Books lent. So much given.
"I am still waking up", he would say at noon, after working all night on his PhD.
Leo, from you, I learned that it is vain to hurt anyone, any time, ever.
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